I decided to do a little Jax training. It failed. My first instinct was to come back inside and punish him by eating. Yup, you read that correctly. Makes sense to me. But I didn’t, so yay for me.
As it often does, my body revolts after I have had several days of exercising well and eating less. It lures me back into the swamp. You're tired, you need a break. You have done so well, you can afford to slack off a little. Or the even more insidious way, which is to persuade me that since I have seen no tangible progress it is a sign that I will never succeed, so I should just learn to accept myself as I am. In any case the glory of beginning is over, so I'm ready to quit. I knew I was feeling vulnerable today so I thought I would make a huge broccoli salad so that I could eat lots of food without too much of a consequence. Well, yes, the broccoli did not carry a lot of calories, even 5 cups of it, but once you include almost a half cup of mayonnaise and a half package of bacon you have left the healthy aspect far back in the dust. It's really interesting to me how when I mentally look at the salad it's all broccoli, but if I were to take all of the other ingredients...
This is really when I have to work hard to keep going because I will have a few things throwing me off. I am going to a conference where there will be free food, and we are going camping where any time we are on vacation food and drink go hand in hand. Let's just start with today. Today I will not eat food from the conference. If I succeed in that, then I can eat one thing tomorrow. If I succeed this will be a first and I will be amazed, so let's see if I can do it. Someone hold me back! No, that's me that has to do that...
Well actually these are things I learned yesterday, but only now can I write them down. Neil said two things that I would like to internalize. One: remember, you are the only one in charge of what you eat, and if you want to eat something, then go ahead, it's your choice. However, just remember that you then have to accept the consequences that go with it. You are not just choosing the food, you are choosing the uncomfortable body and the need for knee surgery at the same time.(ok, I'm paraphrasing here) Two: whenever you start to feel sorry for yourself about what you can't eat, take a step back and be grateful that you are able to eat beautiful, real food.